I never really posted about my favourite things in February. Most of them were either feelings or books.
In February I was working three jobs, moved out of home and into my own studio, felt alone and then supported, and tired but always so full.
I did that thing where I juggle so much and move so fast that I don’t have time to process my emotions properly and then they all crash down like a wave. And its intense but always in a good way.
I learnt how to slow down when the world is moving fast around you.
I’m still learning how to be alone. Found myself not really staying in my studio, I was always out, always on the go. Didn’t wanna confront reality in my own home.
Wrote in my journal a few nights ago, “tryna remember that a few selves ago this was only a wish”. And its true. Never thought I’d end up here and here I am. Never thought I’d be this person and here we are again.
Still don’t think I’ve processed things fully. I still leave my studio when it gets too quiet. And I haven’t done as much yoga as I know I probably should. And I still get embarrassed when I run around this place. But we’re getting there.
Tryna remember that thoughts are powerful. Everything I’ve ever wanted seems to fall in my path. Grateful for whoever’s looking out for me. Seems so unreal sometimes I almost believe it’s a dream.
Having vivid dreams lately. Mostly of spiders and public transport. I looked up the meaning in my dream journal. Spiders are about manipulation or deep rooted feelings, public transport is about how others perceive your journey in life.
Dunno how that relates to me. I’m also fucking terrified of spiders and hate public transport so maybe Freud is just bullshit and they’re nightmares.
Fuck this was supposed to be a favourites post.
So here goes
Waking up in my childhood bedroom not knowing it was gonna be the last time it would truly be home
The coffee shop outside my office job where the lady always wore bright tights and there was a lampshade with embroidered birds on it
Lots of op shopping. Bought more than 20 books in one day and I’m still makin my way through the first
Sleeping in my studio on a bare mattress on Chinese New Year, was so excited to get the key I didn’t wanna go back home. Sat on the desk and watched the sunset. Knew this was something fresh.
Dancing to Milo while making fried rice, windows open and my neighbours can prolly see me but I don’t mind
Messages from friends that make me smile. I didn’t feel this full of love this time last year. Don’t know what I did to deserve such radiant people in my life but by God I’m grateful every single day
Forgetting to write in my journal. Know I’m gonna look back and regret it. You only move outta home once. I’ve got a couple of scrawled poems and some drawings that don’t make sense. Couldn’t stand still long enough to hold the pen
Sitting on my bed lookin out the window watching the world race by. You get a sense that everyone’s moving but for a second you’re still and you can just see why. Things are silent and slow and you can breathe. Been forgetting to breathe but I’m still new at this, always just going with the flow and doin my best
Lots happened in February I guess.